ESP?

Are you seeking an ANSWER??
#ESP??..  hmmm…

LOVE DOES NOT HURT.
PEOPLE DO.

“With everything that has happened to you, you can either feel sorry for yourself or treat what has happened as a gift. Everything is either an opportunity to grow or an obstacle to keep you from growing. You get to choose.”

❤ #DrWayneDyer ❤

No matter WHAT you DECIDE to do..  DO IT LOVINGLY, FOR THE BETTERMENT OF ALL, NOT JUST YOU.  If it is not of LOVE, it IS NOT GOD'S WORK.  Bow DOWN before the ONE YOU SERVE.  Actions speak LOUDER than WORDS.  "#iLOVEyou", WITHOUT #ACTSofLOVE are MEANINGLESS.   I came from a HISTORY full of that INSANITY.  "I LOVE YOU" DOES NOT = #HARM, BRAINWASHING, FEAR,  #MANIPULATION, BULLYING,  #ENTRAPMENT &/OR #ABUSE.

Sometimes #EMPATHIC GIFTS do not FEEL like "GIFTS".  I KNOW "THINGS", SEE "THINGS, FEEL "THINGS", UNIMAGINABLE TO MOST.  I HAVE A SPECIAL, HEALING ENERGY & "TOUCH".  I never told anyone until I became "bed-ridden", winter of 2011..   Blessings in disguise..  I WAS SCARED OF THE GIFTS GOD GAVE ME.  ALL I WANTED WAS TO BE LIKE EVERYONE ELSE!!!  NOPE.  GOD IS ALMIGHTY.  GOD KNOWS BEST.

I am an open book.  Why?  I am sick of the other kind of living.  SECRETS ALMOST KILLED ME.  I wore a mask for too many years.  I felt like "Grandpa's Puppet & Barbie Doll".  I WAS, STILL, "NEVER GOOD ENOUGH" & "NEVER GOING TO AMOUNT TO ANYTHING".

As an adult..  much more has followed…  I got very crushed by some very sick, vividly detailed messages sent to me by a woman I don't even know, other than NAME..  after the last ATTEMPTED rape in 2010 by my older, adopted brother, Jason.  I COULD NOT BELIEVE THE LIES THE OLDER SIBLINGS OF MINE WERE SPREADING!!!!   "SHE IS HIS OBSESSED, SECRET LOVER"??  FOR REAL??!!!!

I began to question everyone I ever trusted..   So many were secretly wishing harm on me, I had trusted with my broken soul.  IT STILL DOES HURT TO FIND OUT PEOPLE ONE LOVES, ARE ONLY ACTING…  I KNOW MORE THAN I WISH I DID.  Word travels quickly from small towns of 300 or so people..

I had to begin LIFE all OVER.  I HAD TO PURGE ALL THE JUNK.  I HAD TO WORK EXTREMELY HARD TO BUILD A NEW LIFE.  I HAD TO WAIT FOR GOD TO GIVE ME WHAT I NEEDED TO RE-CONNECT WITH "PEOPLE FROM MY PAST".  IT WAS VERY SCARY TO ME.  #PTSD, SEVERE, IS MY DIAGNOSIS.  Hmmm..  wonder WHY?.. 
#SARCASM. 😉

I DECIDED TO CONQUER FEAR & EMBRACE LOVE, IN EACH AREA OF LIFE.  FIRST, I HAD TO LEARN WHAT TRUE, HEALTHY LOVE WAS & IS.  THIS GOAL ALSO REQUIRED IDENTIFYING, DEEP IN MY SOUL, WHAT I WAS TRULY AFRAID OF.  NOT EASY, NO DOUBT. 😉

I was afraid of ME.  IT WAS EASY TO HIDE.  I HATED ME AND ALL THE MESSES I FELT RESPONSIBLE FOR.  I HATED LIFE.  GOD SAVED ME.  I #TESTIFY.

#herSECRETtruth.

I was scared of attention.  The ATTENTION received after I #CONFESSED, publicly, filing my first POLICE REPORT, after 31 years of ALL KINDS OF #ABUSE WAS HORRIFYING.  I STILL AM SCARED OF ATTENTION..  FACING THOSE FEARS, DAILY!!!  SOMEDAY, I WILL FEEL CONFIDENT ENOUGH TO PUBLISH BOOKS.  IN DIVINE TIME.  GOD HEALS.

MY DETAILED REPORT WAS, CASUALLY, DISMISSED BY GARY, NOW FORMER SMALL TOWN D.A., according a phone convo with that crooked sherriff..  JASON MAY NEVER SERVE TIME FOR ANY HE TRIED TO DESTROY..  FIGURES. :')

"How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours."
#WayneDyer #Quotes

MY STORY, ALMOST COST ME MY OLDEST DAUGHTER'S LIFE, A LITTLE OVER A YEAR LATER, SEPTEMBER OF 2011.  #GODchangedMYlife.  He left my child as a sign of his powerful, UNCONDITIONAL LOVE.  I MET GOD, AT LAST.

NOW, I only do what God calls me to do, WHEN HE SAYS TO #JUSTdoIT.  I TRULY PRAY OVER 100 TIMES, DAILY.  OBEYING GOD is not always EASY, EITHER.  HUMAN ASPECTS CANNOT BE DENIED..  ONLY "HANDLED".  I MUST BE MORE SOCIAL, PUBLICLY.  I LIKE BEING A "TURTLE".  PEOPLE HURT.  THAT WAS MY MAIN FEAR.  PEOPLE.  IT STILL, ON OCCASION, IS…  I LIKE BEING "THE DOG LADY".  DOGS BITE WAY LESS THAN (WO)MAN!!!  HUMANS ACT LIKE "ANIMALS", NOT THE ANIMALS HUMANS KILL..  #IRONY..  FIGURES, TOO, DOES IT NOT??

MANY "things" happen in LIFE, beyond our CONTROL, that may cause PERMANENT "#CHANGES".  ALLOW LIFE TO make you BETTER, NOT BITTER.  TURN THOSE WOUNDS INTO WISDOM.  MINISTER TO THY NEIGHBORS, WHO ARE ON SIMILIAR JOURNEYS TO YOUR OWN.   BOOTCAMP IS OVER!!  YOU ARE AT #EXPERT STATUS, NOW!!!  IT WAS ALL A #BLESSINGinDISGUISE…

TURN #MESSEStoMESSAGES, EARTH ANGELS!!!  WITH GOD, ALL "THINGS" ARE POSSIBLE.  YOU GOTTA PUT EFFORT IN, THOUGH.  The choice is a gift, a blessing.  We should CHERISH THOSE.. 😉

#thoughtsofmymeanderingmind..
#LIFEisBEAUTIFUL..
MCmemories1111
#TALOGA, #OKLAHOMA #HISTORY
OVER. 
#thankful..
#PEhaynesFAMILY
#HASHtagDIARY1111
http://www.blogtalkradio.com/andelyons/2013/09/03/allowing-love-after-abuse-reverend-lail-ann-haynes
The End.

Rev. Mary Catherine Lail-Ann Haynes©
http://www.LailAnnHaynes.com
http://www.DenverHolisticCenter.com
http://www.gofundme.com/weLOVEpets4peopleOrg

#LOVEthyNEIGHBOR..

"When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself."

❤ Dr. Wayne Dyer #Wisdom ❤

GOD IS LOVE.  CHOOSE TO be LOVE, TOO.

DEAR ROBIN & JASON:

GET REAL!!!!!!  😉

MINISTRY:

THE “SECRETS” ARE OUT.

ANGEL MESSAGE:

I PRAY FOR YOU.

I SUPPORT RAINN & TWLOHA.

Giggles Satin And Tear Drops??
Her SECRET truth…  REVEALED. 😉

The REAL “DEAL”.

YOU KNOW IT.

TheEND.

MESSES TO MESSAGES.

CHANGE LIVES??  I TOLD.  I AM.

PTSD, IN A NUT SHELL

TRUEstory.

WHAT IS PTSD???
hmmm….  odd….
let me see if I can help shed some light on that for ya’…

TESTIMONY:

Jus’ shy ‘a 2 years and PUSHIN’ FORWARD, WARRIOR…. . . I PROMISE GOD, ME & YOU!!!!!

November 29th, 2011…  a few moments that FOREVER changed my life… . .  i didn’t DIE, ONCE again…  Guess God wants ta’ keep this ‘ole gal around..  ;’)  GOD ONLY GIVES US WHAT WE CAN BEAR.  I STILL BELIEVE.  I ALWAYS WILL.

BLESSINGS in DISGUISE??  31 year survivor of INCESTUOUS RAPE, 3-34..??  Raped by most men who cornered her..  friends??..  MARRIED MEN??… no..  that IS not right.  GOD DID NOT INTEND ANY OF THIS.  (WO)MAN …  POSSESSION… evil is real… . . .

….Mom was Paranoid Schizophrenic..  THANK YOU GAIL B. GORE!!!  I LOVED HER!!! …

her Dad the DEVIL, HIMSELF…  raped by a priest, who was her father’s secret lover..  only age 5..  MORE???  her older, adopted brother was protected??  NO ACCOUNTABILITY FOR ANY HE MOLESTED AND RAPED.  Sister???  A PIG IN A BOW.  BEWARE.

her family..  children were terrorized??  Her oldest almost took her precious 15 year old life… WTH!!!

…EX-HUSBAND??…. SEVERE DOMESTIC VIOLENCE FOR ALMOST 6 YEARS, passinging her to anyone he chose, IN THE MIDST???  …  HOLDING THE SECRETS ABOUT HER BROTHER OVER HER HEAD…  but she kept on  Loving and carrying her baby brother, THE GOOD BROTHER, ALSO ABUSED SERIOUSLY, OH, SOOO SECRETIVELY??… through HIS 17 years of SUICIDE.. METH .. HEROIN..  why would that “LOSER”, Bobby, be battling addiction, sittin’ in PRISON.. as the older two, Robin and Jason, smile and nod??.. 

#addiction??   #GREED??

.. this woman.. me..THEN… Bedridden for jus’ shy ‘a 2 YEARS, at only 35???  SOMEDAY, IT ALL CATCHES UP WITH A GAL, I PROMISE THAT!!  AND I INSIST..  I WILL STILL KEEP  FIGHTIN’ & SMILIN’, NO MATTER WHAT THEY DO OR SAY!!!??….. … .

“Oh..  SHE WANTED IT, THOUGH!!  She is ‘THE CRAZY ONE!!  SHE JUST WANTS ATTENTION.  WHAT THE HELL IS SHE CRYIN’ ABOUT??  WHAT A SKANK, SL*T & HOE!!!!!” SHE IS NOT A “GORE”…” IT’S THAT “RUPPEL BLOOD”!!  YUCK!!!”

TALOGA, OKLAHOMA HISTORY…
BREAKtheSILENCE.

CHILDHOODtrauma.. . .

BEaVOICE??????  IT IS HARD.

The STRAW that BROKE the CAMELS back??…

memories..  flashbacks..  heartBREAK!!!  soooooo many TEARS!!!   I CONFESS!!!!!

“How the HELL is THAT a BLESSING???   Ya’ CRAZY, WOMAN??!!”…  How the HELL are ya’ smilin’ & hugging every stranger in sight??..  NO WAY!!!”

I MET GOD, IS HOW.

GOD CHANGED MY LIFE.

It’s MY life:
Listen?

Posttraumatic stress disorder
[note 1] (PTSD) is a severe condition that may develop after a person is exposed to one or more traumatic events, such as sexual assault, serious injury or the threat of death.[1] The diagnosis may be given when a group of symptoms such as disturbing recurring flashbacks, avoidance or numbing of memories of the event, and hyperarousal (high levels of anxiety) continue for more than a month after the traumatic event.[1]Most people who experience a traumatizing event will not develop PTSD.[2] Women are more likely to experience more high impact trauma, and are also more likely to develop PTSD than men.[2] Children are less likely to experience PTSD after trauma than adults, especially if they are under 10 years of age.[2]War veterans are commonly at risk to PTSD.
(credit: WIKIPEDIA)

there IS a funny PART..  It’s on the show link above…  It involves Justin Bieber..  My oldest daughter’s dream love..  Listen for me??  Blessings and Love, ETERNALLY.

Her SECRET truth?????
TRUTH, it IS.  Simple, yes??

NOT FOR MOST.
❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤

WISDOM.
ONLY WITH GOD.
NOW…. LOOK UP & WITHIN.

I BELIEVE.  DO YOU??

We ALL have REASONS to.

Rev. Mary Catherine Lail-Ann Haynes©

GOD heals.  FACT. ;')

IF I CAN.. CAN YOU???
NEVERgiveUP.
STAYtrue.

Love Offerings Accepted in God.

I miss my mom..

Though, I only had her for the first seven years of my life..  to this day, I see her beautiful face..  every rainbow God ever designed.. . . .  Karen was her name.. . I need her back..  God just will not co-operate..  Acceptance..  .  .  FUCK LIFE.

I may be a MINISTER.. BUT GOD KNOWS I AM SO VERY HUMAN, TOO. I HURT JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE. I ONLY SHARE MY PAIN WITH ONE OR TWO. GOD LOVES US ANYWAY. HE DESIGNED US. I WILL LIFT MY CHIN UP!!!!! GOD TRUSTS ME… SOMETIMES, I FEEL…… TOO MUCH.

#thoughtsofmymeanderingmind…

music speaks when tears silence my soul..  when i feel lost..  music always “knows”..  when i get sad..  feeling loss of hope in humanity..  surrounded by demons..  predators.. insanity.. and those i trusted fail to “appear”..  no fear..  GOD DELIVERS.  i go here:

HAPPILY EVER AFTER?? Who is THAT??

One day, she just decided to walk away. She decided to rebuild herself and her world the way God intended everything to be from the beginning, how Life SHOULD be.. And THAT was THAT. THAT is how HAPPILY EVER AFTER came to be.

Rev. Lail Ann Haynes© 

I know I need to WRITE..

but…  I just cannot, RIGHT now..

#BEaVOICE

I support RAINN & TWLOHA.
#ANGELSinDISGUISE, as websites. Stay strong and HAVE FAITH.

~I AM STILL HERE~

CLICK HERE.

#lookUP



Serendipity???

I HATE SECRETS!!

Dear God:

If you are not going to heal me, please give me the knowledge, wisdom and ability to do it myself.  I am sick of crying in secret.  Thank you.  I do love you regardless..  Amen.

Abbie’s concern.

Yesterday, my beautiful, oldest daughter came home from work needing to talk.  She told me two women at her work have Fibromyalgia.  As I write this, I see the deep worry in Abbie’s large, almond shaped eyes.  She was close to tears as she looked at me, a fragile shell of the woman I was only a year and a half ago..  She simply said, “Mommy, they are not even close to as sick and weak as you are..”.  I could easily tell my strong, courageous daughter was more than a little scared.

I knew her fear well.  I have met so many with Fibromyalgia since autoimmune dis ease reared it’s ugly head the fall of 2011.  One after the other, God placed these warriors in my life, my fibro family. I pray for all of them to be healed every single day. It will happen.

There are over 80 autoimmune dis eases, and so far I have three.  No, I have not met one person with a case as severe as mine.  I reminded Abbie that the 31 years of abuse and prolonged, severe stress are not easy for a body to withstand..  I wish I had stopped it all sooner…  My body just took all it could bear for awhile.  God decided it is time I rest..

I do not like it that my children have to watch me suffer and fight every single day just to have somewhat of a “normal” life.  However, I do know God makes messages out of messes.  I will show these children that there is nothing that they cannot handle.  God is so much bigger than any obstacle that comes our way.

I don’t like this dis ease at all, but I accept whatever is in God’s will.  People say there is no cure.  Oh, YES THERE IS!!  Look up.

I guess I had forgotten..

Thank you for the reminder. I guess I had somehow eluded that reality… Can we move on now, please??