but… I just cannot, RIGHT now..
I don’t think it’s amusing at all. Before I frantically dumped all my millions in inheritance, making the choice to start over from scratch, taking my family into a life of poverty, to escape a family secret that would soon take my life if I didn’t cut all ties and leave, I received phone calls DAILY from “friends” needing help desperately with one thing or another – an electric bill, clothes for their children, food for their children, a car, on and on and on. http://www.lailannhaynes.wordpress.com
I still get an occasional call from someone who has no idea how my life has changed, asking if I will help them out like I always did before. Now, what is humorous is that once I tell them I am no longer an “heiress” to an oil and natural gas fortune, plus thousands of acres of ranch, I NEVER HEAR FROM THEM AGAIN. That’s humorous.
I will admit it hurts very badly though, all the “friends” who have become NON EXISTENT unless they need emotional support from me, or still hold onto some kind of hope I have money to get them through whatever trial is presently at hand for them. Very few have listened to God‘s whispers and actually asked, “Lail, you have done so much for me for decades. What can I do for you now that you are in need.”.
That’s not amusing or humorous. It’s sad and hurtful. True colors are always revealed. There are just some like me who will never say a word to you that you have a tell all bugger on your nose as to the TRUTH OF WHO YOU ARE IN YOUR HEART. People are smarter than we give them credit for. Users and Abusers don’t even realize they have a great big spotlight shining their true identity for us all to see.
Just a little rant. I’m pretty good at that sometimes. Do something kind today for someone in need, please. Love in God.
Lail Ann Haynes
Love offerings, $0 right now, but 11:11 STREET MINISTRY has complete faith in God.
Are you in need? Share with me in the comments, please. I am a Prayer Warrior, and I believe in the power of numbers, oneness and unity. Gentle hugs to all who need one. I battle Autoimmune Dis eases daily, so I know how healing a hug can be. I care. I hope you will write me.
Angels In Disguise
by Lail Ann Haynes
Have you ever seen an angel,
Real and true to life???
Would you recognize the halo,
If the angel was far from perfect,
And going through times of trial, struggle, and strife?
What if she posed as an alcoholic,
And fought drug addiction too,
Stuck in a dangerous domestic situation,
But she came and exposed it just to you?
Would you be self-centered and judgmental,
Or would you see the signs and believe it was true,
Spend time trying to find the answers,
And pray to God for guidance in what to do?
Do you ever stop and wonder,
Just how many angels come into your life?
The homeless guy holding up the sign,
The man in the hospital,
Sitting next his sickly wife.
What if 100 angels came,
And visited you personally every single year?
Would you walk on by egotistically,
Or stop to comfort and dry their tear?
What if the angel came to you in animal form,
A puppy needing a safe, loving home?
Would you open up your doors with love,
Or turn your head in disregard,
And let it battle life in fear,
Wondering our land all alone?
What if God designated you as an angel,
Blessing you with way more than you need?
Would you earn your wings by helping out,
Or sell your soul and live in greed?
What if an angel was put here on earth,
Simply to make you think?
Open up your heart to all possibilities,
Before your chance passes you by,
And your soul to fire begins to sink…
Not all our stories will have a happy ending,
This I’m sure you knew.
Ask yourself a simple question,
Will you open your eyes to see that halo,
Or walk through your life blindly,
Choosing to live without a clue?
GOD‘S GRACE AND MERCY
by Lail Ann Haynes
I sit here in my cozy bed,
Thinking about all the angels that have graced my life.
Though I seldom say her name at all,
My mommy doesn’t fail to cross my mind.
Her name was Karen Louise,
Some would think the worst mother of them all.
She allowed things to happen to me,
Truth be known her back was against a wall.
Her father had violently raped her too,
Many years later I would come to find.
She lived with the secret most of her life,
I would be the one to right the wrong in time.
I was taken away from her at age seven,
And that day she lost her mind.
She lived through hell on earth,
Life was anything but kind.
My mother’s movie star beauty,
Soon became a ghastly blur…
The day they took her from his home,
During the year before the Millennium,
She had lesions scattered all over her skin,
Covered in lice,
No control of her bowels,
Starved to skeleton thin…
Less than one year later,
She admitted the truth secretly,
What she had witnessed my father,
And another man doing to five-year old me.
I did not think I could ever forgive her,
Alive I did not want to be.
Four years later she got deadly sick,
And in my heart I knew it was time,
To tell her the truth that I had forgiven her sin,
And loved her regardless of the broken line.
She wasn’t awake for my confession,
She was in a coma the entire night.
Her hand in mine I felt that gentle squeeze,
Before God decided to turn out the light…
I prayed for God to give my mommy wings,
So to Heaven she could fly.
He had already made her an angel,
For forgiveness she had already asked,
And I know for eternity she will live,
True Christians never die.
Dear 18 year old Me:
Exactly 18 years ago today we celebrated you finally becoming an adult. If I could only let you know that child inside you will be crying for another 17 years before the adult in you is truly born to dry those tears away. Life will not be easy by any means, but it will be worth it beyond your wildest dreams, I guarantee. You just don’t know what a successful life is yet. It will be awhile…
I’m so sorry for the secrets you feel you needed to keep to protect others. You do not deserve the abuse you are living through right now. I wish you could see the truth and overcome the defeat your older brother has poisoned your mind with. You are so much stronger than you think. Someday you will see exactly what I mean.
I’m so sorry you are able to smile and fool everyone into believing you are okay. I wish you could find somebody to tell those deadly secrets to… I wish you didn’t have so many years of hidden truths ahead of you… However, I want you to know without a shadow of a doubt that in time everything truly will be better and you will find that love and happiness you so desperately want and need.
You are not an Atheist or Agnostic, by the way. Hell, Lail, you don’t really even know what either of those words mean! Shoot, you think you want tons of diamonds, but that will all change down the road when you realize you actually are one of the most priceless diamonds put on earth. If you only knew your worth….
Honestly, you are still just a young child regardless of the number you celebrate today. I sure wish you would trust Preacher Bob, just give him even a slight chance, and open up your heart to meet your true Father, God, who lives in Heaven and is very much alive inside of you too. I sure wish you wouldn’t get that stupid tattoo….
and I sure wish you would not pick up smoking. It’s a horrible habit and you are going to go through pure hell trying to quit…. Your health will suffer because of so many poor choices. I wish you wouldn’t subconciously be trying to commit suicide…. You deserve everything good in life. There are lives that need you….
Do you remember when you were 15 and you first became a pageant queen? Well, honey, that interview question you answered so oddly from the others is going to come true and will be your very essence of life, your air.
“What do you want to be when you grow up?”
“All I truly want is to be the very best wife and mother I can be.”
There is so much more I could say to you, but I won’t. I want you to live and life is full of ups, downs, and all arounds. Those experiences you will have are the beauty of life, they are meant to happen. YOU were meant to happen too.
I know 18 years down the road you will see life the way you should, the way God intended from the beginning. You will have wisdom from experiences even you can’t imagine right now. Wisdom is priceless. You will be loved beyond your wildest desires, because one day you will realize you are pure love. Someday you will see the truth about both love and beauty….
and the good news is you will have some unbelievable and unimaginable stories to tell if you so choose.
You will realize you actually do have choices.
May you always choose life.
I love you.
36 year old Me
“The only TRUE sign of success is happiness.” -Lail Ann Haynes