Dear God:

If you are not going to heal me, please give me the knowledge, wisdom and ability to do it myself.  I am sick of crying in secret.  Thank you.  I do love you regardless..  Amen.



Abbie’s concern.

Yesterday, my beautiful, oldest daughter came home from work needing to talk.  She told me two women at her work have Fibromyalgia.  As I write this, I see the deep worry in Abbie’s large, almond shaped eyes.  She was close to tears as she looked at me, a fragile shell of the woman I was only a year and a half ago..  She simply said, “Mommy, they are not even close to as sick and weak as you are..”.  I could easily tell my strong, courageous daughter was more than a little scared.

I knew her fear well.  I have met so many with Fibromyalgia since autoimmune dis ease reared it’s ugly head the fall of 2011.  One after the other, God placed these warriors in my life, my fibro family. I pray for all of them to be healed every single day. It will happen.

There are over 80 autoimmune dis eases, and so far I have three.  No, I have not met one person with a case as severe as mine.  I reminded Abbie that the 31 years of abuse and prolonged, severe stress are not easy for a body to withstand..  I wish I had stopped it all sooner…  My body just took all it could bear for awhile.  God decided it is time I rest..

I do not like it that my children have to watch me suffer and fight every single day just to have somewhat of a “normal” life.  However, I do know God makes messages out of messes.  I will show these children that there is nothing that they cannot handle.  God is so much bigger than any obstacle that comes our way.

I don’t like this dis ease at all, but I accept whatever is in God’s will.  People say there is no cure.  Oh, YES THERE IS!!  Look up.


No need to imagine. Just be.


by Patricia Lynn Reilly

Imagine a woman who believes it is right and good she is a woman. A woman who honors her experience and tells her stories.


Imagine a woman who believes she is good. A woman who trusts and respects herself. Who listens to her needs and desires and meets them with tenderness and grace.


Imagine a woman who has acknowledged the past’s influence on the present. A woman who has walked through her past. Who has healed into the present.


Imagine a woman who authors her own life. A woman who exerts, initiates and moves on her own behalf. Who refuses to surrender except to her truest self and her wisest voice.


Imagine a woman in love with her own body. A woman who believes her body is enough, just as it is. Who celebrates her body and its rhythms and cycles as an exquisite resource.


Imagine a woman who celebrates the accumulation of her years and her wisdom. Who refuses to use precious energy disguising the changes in her body and life.


Imagine a woman who values the women in her life. A woman who sits in circles of women. Who is reminded of the truth about herself when she forgets.


Imagine yourself as this woman.


I HATE Hide and Seek.

I’ve had difficulty writing on this blog for quite some time… I feel like I’m losing my voice. those old creeping thoughts… “nobody cares”…

Short and sweet is the best I can do for now.  I must remember my own quote, “Even baby steps are progress.”..  nor was Rome built in a day..  ya know??


I was 7, he was 12 when it all began.  I hate the game HIDE AND SEEK.  That simple, innocent game was the beginning of the end of me. 

“The family” says it was just “teen curiosity”.  Whas it still “curiosity” when I was 14 and he was sneeking in my bedroom window when home from VoTech at 19…  how about attacking me in my driveway, home alone with my chidren, living out in the middle of nowhere, around age 40…  The Gores’back hills’ thinking blows my mind …  Thank God it’s history….  but I will ALWAYS hate the game HIDE AND SEEK..  and I pray God heals my resentment towards that sickening clan.  With God anything is possible.  Doubt holds my hand where the Gores’ are concerned though. 

They claim HARDCORE ROMAN CATHOLIC, but it’s clear they only have one God.  He appears in the form of green paper bills.

I hate HIDE AND SEEK.  Thanks, Jason.  Appreciate that, bro.  Carry on till the payoff money runs out.  Eventually you’ll catch a charge.  That attorney sis of yours can only hold the lions back for so long.. 


One God.  One God who dishes out Karma quite generously, I believe..  You won’t be missed by KARMA.  God doesn’t make mistakes. 


I’m a TOYS R US kid!!

It takes work for me to “ACT LIKE AN ADULT”.  


I’m also a “Psychology Buff”, so that actually stems from some deep rooted issues I must work hard to deal with.  When I was seven, my baby brother and I were torn from our mother’s arms, LITERALLY.  I was told through my so far, 18 years of “Therapy “, that trauma caused a “mental growth condition”, “stunted maturity growth”.  It helps to understand why I am who I am.  Problem is, only I understand it …  people CAN BE judgemental and cruel…  That’s alright, we’ll try to “fix” that!  😉  The loving hearts listen carefully, friendly, understanding and supporting you in being true to you as you grow. 


Please, QUIT JUDGING PEOPLE!  It hurts really bad!!!  Apply THAT to ALL your NEIGHBORS: GAY, STRAIGHT, WHITE, BLACK, PURPLE, HOT PINK, BUGER PICKIN’,  FAT, SKINNY, IN BETWEEN, BUTT SCRATCHIN’, BAD TASTE AND FOOLISH, CUTE, NEAT, SLOPPY, FARTIN’ POORLY DRESSIN’,  but so tender and loving if you’ll chance letting them in, and possibly even giving a hand …  you see???