but… I just cannot, RIGHT now..
My 2012 Theme Song is for a few more days, still I WAS HERE, by Beyonce..
Click the link below to listen, please.
Yes, I believe I left my footprints on the sands of time..
2012 has been very challenging,
I refuse to lie..
Sometimes I can’t help but wonder why,
I have to leave tear drops,
During my earthly time..
It came close a few times this year,
To suicide seeming the only hope for mercy near.
Some much needed pain free relief was overdue for me..
Earth Angels surrounded me,
Drying my tears,
Saying I CAN,
When Everything in me screamed,
“I just can’t!!!! I CANNOT!!!”..
I caved in to my blog to share a “Pity Party”,
Not something typical for this country girl,
That is me.
I almost did not share that post,
It made me so vulnerable,
Humble and weak.
Here was the reply from a very special reader I received:
“I came across your blog, (Giggles, Satin & Tear Drops) post “My Pity Party” today while I was having an awful one of my own. I had just typed and entered “fibromyalgia AND suicide” into yahoo search, and there it was. fifth on the list of 6,950,000 results, excluding paid sponsors of course. After reading a few more of your entriess, including “I COMMITTED SUICIDE”, I decided to pour 56 of the 57 xanax sitting on the desk in front of me back into the bottle. I just wanted to let you know that you really made a difference in my life today. I’ve always said, the best thing about Oklahoma (north central, for me) is the beautiful sunsets. Thanks to you, I’ll be watching another one tonight.”
(keeping reader anonymous)
I felt so vulnerable, humble and weak, yet God was powerful and present within me to save that angel’s life.
God bless 2012. I was told in Chinese Astrology this was “The Year of the Dragon“. Looking through that dark tunnel that has been my health issues and learning a new way of life at only 36 years of age, I take back my first impression that this was not my year at all.
Through me, God saved at least ONE LIFE. It doesn’t get better than that at all.