The words for so long I couldn’t find.

by Lail Ann Haynes

I sit here in my cozy bed,
Thinking about all the angels that have graced my life.
Though I seldom say her name at all,

My mommy doesn’t fail to cross my mind.

Her name was Karen Louise,
Some would think the worst mother of them all.
She allowed things to happen to me,
Truth be known her back was against a wall.

Her father had violently raped her too,
Many years later I would come to find.
She lived with the secret most of her life,
I would be the one to right the wrong in time.

I was taken away from her at age seven,
And that day she lost her mind.
She lived through hell on earth,
Life was anything but kind.

I watched from miles of distance,
As my father beat the life out of her.

My mother’s movie star beauty,
Soon became a ghastly blur…

The day they took her from his home,
During the year before the Millennium,
She had lesions scattered all over her skin,
Covered in lice,
No control of her bowels,
Starved to skeleton thin…

Less than one year later,
She admitted the truth secretly,
What she had witnessed my father,
And another man doing to five-year old me.
I did not think I could ever forgive her,
Alive I did not want to be.


Four years later she got deadly sick,
And in my heart I knew it was time,
To tell her the truth that I had forgiven her sin,
And loved her regardless of the broken line.

She wasn’t awake for my confession,
She was in a coma the entire night.
Her hand in mine I felt that gentle squeeze,
Before God decided to turn out the light…

I prayed for God to give my mommy wings,
So to Heaven she could fly.
He had already made her an angel,
For forgiveness she had already asked,
And I know for eternity she will live,
True Christians never die.


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