It’s a Bud Light night. ANGER appears.

No, I don’t have intentions of getting drunk.  I just felt like having a cold beer, so I am.  Hell, I’m an adult.  I’m just feeling like a very hurt little girl right now…  I can count on one hand how many times I have drank alcohol in the past two years or more.  It’s just one of those days that have hit me a lot more often in the past few weeks than I would like…  What’s that popular old saying???

 “Shit happens.”

You had no idea I was this upset did you???

Well, I got pretty good at hiding SHIT.

Year after year after year, my older brother sneaking in my window while I was asleep.

Waking up at 7, 8, 9, 10 and on an on and on being raped.

The next morning waking up with no choice but to go have cereal with him.

Pretending like everything was just peachy keen….

That’s what I was expected to do.

I did as I was told…  until I moved out.

Yes, it continued!

I admit that!!


It was only right at two years ago “the SHIT really hit the fan”…

Oh, BELIEVE ME, great things are happening too these days.  Change is in the air!  It’s just the “SHIT” is getting me down a bit.  I keep hearing stories of kids committing suicide.  Three stories have slapped me across the face like a nice 50 pound sledgehammer the past few days.  I’m ANGRY.  It triggers me back to my child and teen years.  Yes, the pleasure of PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder)…………………………..  I’m ANGRY.  Did I say that already???  Yes, of course I did.  How could they NOT know???

In my case, THEY DID KNOW.


They didn’t care….

The story that hit me the hardest came in a call from my beautiful, sweet, petite, fairy of a friend, Amy.  Four tragedies in her life in like three or four DAYS.  Oh, beautiful Amy was full of strength, it was me who shed those tears as her stories filled my head…

The most painful one was her son’s little 10-year-old friend who hung himself with a jump rope.  YES, FREAKIN’ 10!  I’M ANGRY!  How were there no signs??? Why was this child alone???  What makes a 10 year old want to die more than play with friends or go for a bike ride???  Oh, I can guarantee, SOMEONE knew.  There’s always ONE, typically more who hide their heads in the sand cowardly.  Nobody wants to “get involved”.  Nobody wants to be leaders in these cases anymore and stop this shit when the signs appear.  Is that because they are guilty too or just selfish, lazy, cowardly pieces of shit that don’t realize kids are innocent and need ALL adults to care???  

I’m angry….  angry and hurt….  

I told you.

You admitted that to me finally….  

Why didn’t you help???  

I was only 12 or 13….

You were only a kid too, I realize that now….

I should have trusted adults, but adults hurt too…

I was scared….

I only trusted you….

It’s really okay, I just hurt….

I forgave you.

Luckily I didn’t have a jump rope.

It was a gun instead….

NOW, will someone take a stand???

Probably NOT.

I get emotional about this SHIT.

Teens who need help, you can visit:

Find a trusted adult.  They do exist, trust me.  I’m one.

A safe place for teens on Facebook:

Please seek help.



Every month of the year SHOULD be….

Will you help???

Do you value the life of a child???


Please care.

PS. “Anger is simply a result of DEEP ROOTED PAIN.”

~Lail Ann Haynes~


4 responses to “It’s a Bud Light night. ANGER appears.

  1. It angers the “shit” out of me too. I worked for 3 years as a guardian ad litem for the courts. Working with abused ( all abuse) children that were taken out of the home. I would find new homes or other family members where they could go and the courts would 99% of the time TAKE THE KIDS BACK THERE. I would get so angry, hurt and cry all the time, i finally quit. It may have not been the right thing to do because kids always loved me, but i just couldnt do it anymore. I was tired of fighting the system . Tired of the nightmares i would have visializing what my last child is prabubly going through.
    LAIL- you are changing the world with this blog. Continue to strive and fight because so many are counting on you.

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