A LIE IS A LIE. THE TRUTH IS THE TRUTH. REGARDLESS.

My all-time favorite song. Click here to see where I found a HERO.

After I came forward and revealed the truth to the world (the small town with only around 300 people who I had grown up with:  Taloga, Oklahoma.) about the abuse I had lived and somehow survived, oh the haters came flying out of the woodwork! 

OH YES, I HEARD THIS SOOOO MANY TIMES….  EVEN FROM THE PEOPLE IN TOWN ONCE I TOLD…            

I STILL DO THROUGH THE GRAPEVINE.

You see, when you come from a town that small, it’s like a family. Nobody ever would have guessed the terror that had gone on behind closed doors in the home of a well respected family. Everything appeared just fine, secrets were hidden very well, as the most cruel secrets always are. How dare I try to say their fantasy wasn’t real??? 

Pictured above:

Me with my fiance, Mike, holding my baby cousin, Taylor.  I was 17.  Mike had no clue about the rape and incest I was living through.

I was scared and I was ashamed.

To shorten this story, I’ll just say I made a complete idiot of myself trying to convince people I was telling the truth. Why, you wonder??? My older brother who had started raping me when I was only 7 years old after I was taken away from my drug addicted mom and dad had always said, “Go ahead and tell, nobody will believe you.”. I didn’t want him to be right, but he was… 

Another thing that was causing my heart to bleed so heavily was that my older brother continued to rape others and my older sister, the wealthy attorney, kept buying him out of trouble. Yes, my friends, money can buy freedom. That’ll have to be a whole different story. 

The result of my idiotic breakdown was people I had hardly ever even spoken to, many I did not even know, started creating painful versions they created THEMSELVES of MY life story… Oh, God it hurt so bad! Everytime I heard a version by someone who had courage enough to ask me, I relived the abuse all over again as I told the curious one the TRUE story..

That’s all far in the past now. I convinced my husband and children I had to escape and try to save my sanity. I was slowly dying living in that town and five miles down the road from the man, my older adopted brother, who wanted badly to punish and destroy me.

1994 

Me at age 17 with my grandfather, Gail, who raised me; my older brother J…., who raped me all those years;

and my baby brother, Bobby.

I could really care less about being judged anymore. I found God and God is to this day helping me constantly with my recovery. I choose to share my story even though my older brother and sister threatened to continue to punish me in anyway possible. I’ll tell you why I share. 

I no longer need to be heard, I’m past that. There are so many others who never speak. They live in silent suffering. If I can help even one soul survive the torcher abusers sentence them to, what happened to me had a purpose. I will leave behind a legacy. I will have suffered for the greater good, in hopes my sacrifice will be shared to save lives across the world giving a voice to those who were robbed though their own personal journey.

Be strong and carry on. A lie is a lie and the truth is the truth regardless. ♥ Lail

1983

ME RIGHT WHEN MY OLDER BROTHER STARTED RAPING ME.

ME A LITTLE OVER A YEAR AGO, DECEMBER OF 2010,

DYING A SLOW DEATH LIVING 5 MILES FROM MY OLDER BROTHER.  TRAPPED.

SUMMER OF 2011

I BEGAN TO FIGHT TO GET MY CONTROL OF MY LIFE AND RECOVER FROM THE 31 YEARS OF ABUSE.

OCTOBER 31, 2011

HALLOWEEN I WAS STILL SO SAD, SEEKING ANSWERS, BUT I DRESSED UP FOR FUN ANYWAY….

ME AS JESSICA RABBIT STARING IN FLASHDANCE.  😉

ME NOW.  MARCH 2012

I SURVIVED AND I AM VERY MUCH ALIVE.  DOING WELL.  🙂

yet, so many more stories I will share, 

and the big kicker, some things may never heal…

my health.

 

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2 responses to “A LIE IS A LIE. THE TRUTH IS THE TRUTH. REGARDLESS.

  1. I have so many things I want to say! WOW! Stephen Dimmick sang your praises so I was so excited to get over here and learn more about you … I am overwhelmed with things to say . I need to ponder and return. You are an amazing woman .
    Kristin

    • Thank you, Kristin! You are a beautiful soul. Stephen is an angel that walks this earth with us. I am just getting this blog started. There is sooo much pain involved. I took a much needed break, but I am ready to proceed. I believe the life I have lived and am living is going to be pouring out of me. I am on Facebook, so I would love for you to find me there.
      http://www.facebook.com/lailhaynes is my personal account. I am very open there. Love to you, beautiful. Happy Easter to you and yours. Blessings. ❤

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